Urgent and Important!

‘Why do I always leave this too long?!’ 

That was my over-riding emotion as I headed away from the heights, hills, stillness, beauty, God-aware-ness and all round ‘away-ness’ that is Barrowburn.

Situated in the Upper Coquet Valley and miles from anywhere (the last 6 miles are effectively single-track road before the farm comes into view) and surrounded by hills and wildlife. And, on this August day in particular, I was struck by just how still it was. (Disclaimer: This is not always the case!!) 

I don’t know if it was the sheer quiet that helped my soul feel as though I was coming up for air that day, but my goodness it was a gift. 
Retreat Days are not the domain of those ‘in ministry’ and I strongly advocate for anyone following Jesus to take time out even once or twice a year to come away and learn again the unforced rhythms of His Grace. This was in the Urgent and Important segment, and I was found wanting in giving this Christ-lived rhythm the respect it deserved.

I am invariably very bad at prioritising Retreat Days and eventually, as was the case a few weeks ago, I step off the ministry train with nothing in the tank, my well having run dry and having a decidedly low opinion of my role as a minister. This also meant that a somewhat irritated Chris left Alnwick almost bargaining with God that ‘you better speak loudly to me today mind Lord’ in an arrogant sort of ‘or else’ attitude.
 
If I really want to model Jesus, however flawed I am, it is a given in the Gospels that Jesus regularly took Himself off into a mountain to spend time with His Father so that, although divine, His humanity could be restored so that He could ‘go again’ in teaching, healing, listening, blessing and forgiving. His three and a half years ministry on earth was marked by this pattern.

Why is it then that mere humans such as me, a leader carrying a limp, think that I can carry on regardless and then somehow bolt-on a retreat at the point of exhaustion and unhealthy introspection?? God have mercy.

I’m sure if St Aidan had been observing my diary in the weeks previous to eventually diarising Barrowburn, he’d have been ‘face-palming’ at the backside-forwards way I was approaching ministry.
He’d maybe try gently reminding me of the ‘table-cave-road’ illustration of Elijah who burnt himself out and God, through an angel, had to administer a divine ‘CPR’ to rehabilitate him, recalibrate him and remind him of the purposes for which God had called him for such a time as this.

That day at Barrowburn was a gift to me for the ‘gentle whisper’ of God in Word, in Spirit, in Creation and in Peace. He didn’t need to shout… He just need me to listen.

But it was also a timely lesson to me about aligning my priorities with God’s and how my ministry flows from my ‘being’ in Christ way more than my ‘doing’. Here’s hoping that this will remain at the forefront of my mind as I step into the new season and that busy-ness doesn’t lead to amnesia.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matt 11:28-30